Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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