i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
