O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
