Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
