she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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