i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
