those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
