I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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