Plan B is the new Plan A
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
