Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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