she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
