i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
