I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
