well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's like a pop up book from hell.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
whose ass print is on the piano?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
