Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
