She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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