The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
