Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
