The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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