If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Shame - the story of my life.
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