I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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