im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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