Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
