youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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