maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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