Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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