Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Be still, my beating vagina.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
