I heard we made out
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
