Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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