i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize