My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
