okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
