May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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