Jerry, you need to find god
Moan for me like Helen Keller
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
