The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
