$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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