A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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