I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
