you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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