No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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