there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
