Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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