I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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