i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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