there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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