4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
