apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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