in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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