And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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