Im at strip club and am horny
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
