Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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