but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's just like the Real World with babies
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
