yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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