I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
