Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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