cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I cut my penus on the lid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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