You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
