Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
